Ads, Tracking Beacons, and other "Asynchronous" Bullshit

By: Jacob Taylor

Would you assholes please not slather your pages in shit that on.pageload resets me to the top? It's annoying because pages take forever to load (8 seconds for a news article is fucking unacceptable), so I start reading the article before it finishes – only to have the page ripped out from under me. Fuck you, too.

I know that asynchronous is the thing to do right now, but here's how it really shows up for users (when done badly): "here, we're going to load in twice the page's actual weight in javascript, css, and flash, so we can display some little ads. But it won't effect page load time because it's async loaded, bitches!" The people who do this to their users are idiots. These people also represent 99.97% of all online ads and tracking. Again, Fuck you.

If you're doing shit like this to your users, you don't deserve them. They're better than you, and you should be thanking your lucky stars they don't hunt you down and throw bricks at you. Seriously, stop fucking doing that shit. Asynchronous javascript is not your savior. Less javascript is your savior.